Home/Front page  Cereals, pudding, icecream
Sweets, biscuits, cakes  Drinks and/or alcohol
Crisps and snacks Fast and/or hot food
Recently discussed stories (comments):

Coldpress fruit juices/ Review of 2012 (15)

Lotus Caramelised Biscuit Spread (8)

Kingdom BBQ Meat (1)

Mars Bar Limited Edition caramel (10)

Milka Raspberry Cream (6)

Walkers Deep Ridged (14)

Nestle Vice Versas (yes, again) (7)

GlaxoSmithKline Lucozade Pink Lemonade (3)

Herr's Potato Chips (5)

Ben and Jerry's Winter Berry Brownie Ice Cream (1)

Comments RSS

For external use only:

A Blog About Crisps

Advertising Standards Authority

Airline Meals

Answerbank UK

Bad candy

Ban Trans Fats (Hydrogenated Vegetable Oils)

Beer Frame: The Journal of Inconspicuous Consumption

BevNet USA

Boycott Nestlé

Breakfast Cereal (US) Character Guide

Candy Blog (US)

Chilli Source, The (kebabs)

Chocolate Review

Cybercandy

Egg, Bacon, Chips and Beans

Fast Food Fever (US)

Fixture Ferrets (offers)

Food Standards Agency

Foodstuff Finds

Gobble Monkey

Guardian "Hard Sell" ad critiques

Independent Retail News

Jim's Chocolate Mission

Junk Food News

Les Cahiers du Burger (France)

McSpotlight

McSweeney's reviews

MmmExchange mailing list

Name that (US) Candybar

Nice Cup Of Tea and a Sit Down

Nutrition Action

Packaging Digest

Phoood (US)

Publican, The

RB Offers

Sandwich Selector

Steve, Don't Eat It!

Taquitos.net (USA)

Top Secret Recipes

Urban Legends (Food, Cola etc)

Winspiration tie-breakers

Starbucks Gossip (US)

World's Worst Food




Awaiting sightings: microwaveable indigenous Australasian cuisine
Posted: 00:05 Tue 01-04-2003.
Snackspot reports: quite an interesting mail here from a (usually reliable) source in the pre-prepared "ready meal" industry, which begins "The food company I work for has just broken an eighteen month industry-wide NPD [new product development] writers' block by discovering indigenous Australasian food, a whole continent's worth of nibbles as-yet virgin of sad Foodservice exploitation." As before, you can read the whole thing by clicking on the "View/add comments" link below (unless of course you're already reading this on the comments page, in which case, there it is). Caution, text may contain strong language, descriptions of Wichetty grubs being toasted on sticks.

Add a comment | # Permalink to this page | 17 comment(s) so far: (NB: NO IDENTITIES ARE VERIFIED; ANYONE COULD ACTUALLY BE FROM THE MANUFACTURERS OR COMPETING COMPANIES. ALL CELEBRITY POSTINGS ARE IMPERSONATED ... POORLY)


Posted: 00:06 Tue 01-04-2003 by Snackspot
Comment: It's the first true frozen delivered breakthrough since South American last year. Now don't get me wrong, SouthAm was a fantastic time to be, well, even on the fringes of product development like I was; it was like the early Blackburn rave scene, or Northern Soul in the 70s, neck em and go for it, the whole business support centre felt like an orgone box, it was rocking its tits off.

But within 6 months it'd all been covered off... we did the obvious... chilli, veg. chilli, enchilladas, veg. enchilladas, chilli enchilladas, tortillas, tortilla pie, veg. tortilla quiche, chilli samosa pie dips, folded salmon tortilasagne... and we were fucked. Weeks went by... nothing. Crunchiminichilli pizza-style tortilla flanges were about all we managed last Autumn. The British Frozen Food Federation awards were *shit* this year! Coated broccoli won it. Gold, to [company name deleted]'s Coated Fucking Broccoli. Sold what, 18 cases in the first QUARTER, for fucksake. Delisted after two price lists. [name deleted] at the [company name deleted] table was acually *crying*.

So the frozen brand manager Loretta's off sick, she's telling us it's glandular fever but everyone knows her head's just gone west. She's at home, daytiming her telly to pieces. And one day she happens across some Discovery re-run of Bush Tucker Man. I remember the exact time the call came through at work. The answering machine was on, she was screaming at us for someone to pick up.

Now imagine what this means.Ten or a dozen new frozen individual portion entrees, right? Maybe get a theme night screwed out of it, good for a business period's promotional activity? Well kiss my arse, because what it actually means is a whole new dimension to the market Literally a new dimension. Mathematically so.

Example? Wichetty grubs. The Black Ant clan toast wichetty grubs on sticks, like marshmallows. These are maggots, but about two inches long each. They taste... weird, sweet, like sweet blue cheese. But okay. Now you've got three *whole new concepts*: eating two-inch-long insect larvae, toasting stuff like marshmallows, and sweet blue cheese. Three whole new concepts. So what? So WHAT? Can you imagine what three new ideas feels like to a food marketing department? It's like ripping the speaker wires out of L T J Bukem's subwoofers and soldering them to your prostate.

D'you remember "Kiev September" in 92? Chicken kiev, veg. kiev, veg. mini kiev, spicy lamb Kiev, that bizarre promo Alveston Kitchens did where in a couple of their cases one of the Shires turkey kievs was topologically equivalent to a Klein bottle, and hence had mathematically only one surface? Well now you can have not only two inch long insect larva kievs, but breaded two inch long insect larvae with a cheese herb and garlic centre, and any number of kievs which are expressly designed for toasting on sticks over a fire. There's even a range of multi-meat maxikievs with sweet bluecheese filling. And that's just the Kiev range. Now imagine doing that again... only Tikka? Only cheesecake? Only ciabatta? What I'm saying is that by the chance discovery of these three fresh ideas we've effectively cubed the theoretical number of products in our ethnic range in one fell swoop, and revolutionised the frozen delivered sector as we've gone. And it's not over yet.

Down the leisure park? Back of MGM? between KFC and Sloppy Joe's? The new unit with very, very little material decoration at all, where you don't have a table as such, but wander from area to area according to the geographical guidance of songs handed down to you by the people that just finished and walked out? That's Johnny Dingo's, that's the aboriginal diner that wouldn't have been there if it hadn't been for me and my mates at work. So enjoy your seafood mallows and your vege tikka toast sticks, and you just give us a little respect.


Posted: 10:35 Tue 01-04-2003 by "Daveybaby"
Comment: I am so very, very scared right now.
Posted: 00:30 Wed 02-04-2003 by "awful"
Comment: It's been a while since I read 8 consecutive paragraphs of text and not really understood a single thing. Baffling.
Posted: 02:10 Wed 02-04-2003 by "eli"
Comment: Wow, I'm married to an australian and that is still the most far-out shit I've ever read. I thought it was funny though. I've been looking for April Fool's all day.
Posted: 14:55 Thu 03-04-2003 by Snackspot
Comment: Credit for the original "Wichetty grub" piece goes to former foodservice firebrand, Dave Pape - also the discoverer of this remarkable piece of "found poetry" from the description of a chicken-processing assembly line:

Mechanical removal of feet;
birds rehung;
singeing - to remove all remaining hair;
1st vent cutter - to remove anus of the bird;
head/trachea puller - minimum of 80% must be removed;
2nd vent borer - to cut intestual cavity;
birds eviscerated - viscera removed;
PMI inspection - hens rejected/passed;
gutting line - back-up gutters;
cropper - machine to remove crops;
lung sucker.


Posted: 11:30 Mon 07-04-2003 by "Ted Maul"
Comment: Kiev September? Who could forget it, reminds me of working for Birds Eye Walls in their skunkworks in rural Bedfordshire. We had 2 months to halve the 'already low' 'meat' content of Peperami's without anyone noticing. Did we do it? Hell yes, the all-nighter's are still the stuff of legend in the annals of the pre-packed ready to eat value-added meat goods industry.
Posted: 12:20 Tue 08-04-2003 by "Kiwi Keith"
Comment: this story is hilarious - just wants to make me partero!
Posted: 17:38 Tue 08-04-2003 by "Mr.Vegemite,Gold Coast,Australia"
Comment: yeh mate, if I ate this, I would partero up a storm,too. Sounds wicked
Posted: 10:43 Thu 10-04-2003 by "KFC,Kentucky,US"
Comment: Is this food for real? sounds kinda like shit to me!
Posted: 10:45 Fri 11-04-2003 by "Heinz"
Comment:

Thanks,but I think I'll stay with the baked beans


Posted: 12:39 Fri 11-04-2003 by "Hot Dog"
Comment:

cool!


Posted: 15:49 Sat 12-04-2003 by "Ben&Jerry"
Comment: this is bizzare - get outta here !
Posted: 16:01 Sat 12-04-2003 by "Yves S.Laurent,Paris"
Comment: Since we already eat lot of frogs and,lovely,delicious and juicy raw snails, this will go down like a treat ! - send some plus vitement!
Posted: 18:48 Mon 14-04-2003 by "Ella from New Orleans"
Comment: Now,listen up, this food is silly - who is gonna eat this shit ! Try Jambalaya Gumbo - some real food from New Orleans
Posted: 18:54 Mon 14-04-2003 by "Zsa Zsa"
Comment: Yuck ! sounds awful!
Posted: 18:35 Tue 15-04-2003 by "Michael Caine,Chelsea"
Comment: Disgusting! - this is just NOT my cup of tea.
Posted: 19:32 Thu 17-04-2003 by "Eddie"
Comment: Dosen't sound appetising at all - still, a nice story. 74458 4 75
(Please scroll up to view earlier comments or click here for top)
  Sorry - comments on this old story are now closed!

display/attempt to resolve my IP (might somehow "prove" who I am)

Please enjoy Snackspot responsibly - offensive, pointlessly argumentative, or otherwise unsuitable comments may be deleted or punished in other ways.
 
[top]


Recently discussed stories (comments):
· Milka Raspberry Cream (398)
· Kingdom BBQ Meat (3)
· Coldpress fruit juices/ Review of 2012 (15)
· Lotus Caramelised Biscuit Spread (8)
· Mars Bar Limited Edition caramel (10)
· Walkers Deep Ridged (14)
· Nestle Vice Versas (yes, again) (7)
· GlaxoSmithKline Lucozade Pink Lemonade (3)
· Herr's Potato Chips (5)
· Ben and Jerry's Winter Berry Brownie Ice Cream (1)

Recently posted stories in this category:
· Kerry Foods' Hungry Joe's Chicken and Bacon BBQ Melt with Wedges
· Walkers Mystery Flavours A-C
· McDonald's Shake 'n' Taste Chicken
· Itsu Sandwich - Salad
· Heinz Tomato Ketchup blended with Balsamic Vinegar
· Subway "Sublime" Design A Sub For London 2010 Competition Winner
· Burger King Melt 'n Middles
· Wagamama Breakfast menu
· Greggs Chilli Steak Lattice
· Golden Wonder The Nation's Noodle




Awaiting sightings:

Raspberry Cheesecake/ Coconut/ Rum and Raisin Carte D'Or

Dormen luxury handmade crisps

Betty Bassett's Red Liquorice Allsorts

Wrigley's Extra Ice Mint tins

Mr Kipling's Big French Fancy

Smarties Party Ice Cream/ Calippo Fizz

Jelly Belly Sport Beans

Ginsters microwavable ready meals

Carte D'Or sorbets/ Raspberries and Meringue Haagen-Dazs

Minara Micro Meals in a jar

Serving suggestions:
(via Amazon UK)

Super Size Me (DVD)

Inconspicuous Consumption: An Obsessive Look at the Stuff We Take for Granted, from the Everyday to the Obscure

Not on the Label: What Really Goes into the Food on Your Plate

Fast Food Nation: What the All-American Meal Is Doing to the World

Fat Land: How Americans Became the Fattest People in the World

Top Secret Recipes: Creating Kitchen Clones of America's Favorite Brand-Name Foods

More Top Secret Recipes: More Fabulous Kitchen Clones of America's Favorite Brand-Name Foods

Even More Top Secret Recipes: More Amazing Kitchen Clones of America's Favorite Brand-Name Foods

Top Secret Recipes: Sodas, Smoothies, Spirits, & Shakes: Creating Cool Kitchen Clones of America's Favorite Brand-Name Drinks

The Star Wars Cookbook: Wookiee Cookies and Other Galactic Recipes

Star Wars Cookbook II: Darth Malt and More Galactic Recipes

Star Wars Party Book: Recipes and Ideas for Galactic Occasions



Disclaimer:
All trademarks, names and symbols are acknowledged and used here for editorial purposes only. They do not constitute any form of endorsement of this site or its contents by the rights-holders concerned.

[top]   Advertisement: Fresh handmade chocolates from Paul A Young Fine
Chocolates    [top]