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Click pic to view comments Confirmed sighting: Heinz "Bite Me"
Posted: 22:48 Sun 07-09-2003. Price: 99p. Location: Iceland, Bath. Sub-flavours: Garlic breads or cheese'n'ham pizza slice. Nutritional unusualness: Contains "semi-hard" cheese.
"Stuart Campbell" reports: A radical new microwave snack idea clearly inspired by that space-cow thing from The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe that wanted to be eaten and could say so, the most interesting thing about these is the cooking instructions, all written in the first person - "Keep me on my tray and cook me for one-and-a-half minutes"; "Bite me, and enjoy!" Taste-wise, though, the pizza one is bland and no match for McCain's Micro Pizzas, and the garlic breads with cheese (two in the packet, each the size of a large child's hand) taste mostly of pepper rather than garlic. Not horrible, but if you want a 60-second pizza or garlic-bread snack, there are better options.

...Another excellent double-whammy there from Stuart, on a product which I think is due a major TV campaign sometime soon - let's hope they make use of catchphrases like "Please don't leave me unattended whilst I'm cooking" and "Pull open and remove my outer packaging". In other toasty tidings: a recent issue of The Grocer reports that Kingsmill are targeting consumers who "love the taste" of their bread toasted with their first specifically-intended-for-toasting Gold Toastie loaf (RRP 74p).


Posted: 01:07 Mon 08-09-2003 by "Stephen Craig" # permalink comment
Comment: The range also includes a garlic bread style object ("Made in Italy") with a reasonably tasty bolognese filling (i.e. it doesn't taste like the abominable Heinz tinned variety), of which a seperate photo is available if at all desired - as I was going to actually post these as a sighting tomorrow morning (while at work and therefore being paid to do so) before I was GAZUMPED by Stuart. Still, eh? It's all for the good.

Oh, and there were some other things which the packaging promised announced as "Pizza Tubes". Which looked vaguely like elongated versions of McCain's old roof-of-mouth-searing favourites, Pizza Rollas. Not that I tried them this time, mind.

There also appears to be a website at http://www.heinzbiteme.com, but it's all in Flash and crashed Mozilla. Bah.

Posted: 01:17 Mon 08-09-2003 by "Stephen Craig" # permalink comment
Comment: "packaging promised announced"


Posted: 10:15 Mon 08-09-2003 by "bob" # permalink comment
Comment: boring, these have been out months, and the new helmann's sauses are now out at iceland (on the offer buy one get one free)
Posted: 10:28 Mon 08-09-2003 by "Stephen Craig" # permalink comment
Comment: So why not POST SOMETHING CONSTRUCTIVE (such as a review of the new Helmann's sauces which you tease us with in your own special punctuation free way), rather than criticism of a product that's "been out for months" but which YOU never bothered to post anything about in the first place. For example.


Posted: 10:36 Mon 08-09-2003 by "Matt Hero" # permalink comment
Comment: A little bit 'off topic' but...

I remember watching an episode of 'Trouble At The Top' where a group of cheesemakers were trying to market their wares. One of the suggested brand names(and ultimatly rejected because it tested realy badly) was 'Bite Me !'.

Actually that wasn't the worst one suggested, 'Farmers Passion' just conjures up *totally* the wrong image or a soft cheese no ?

Posted: 11:17 Mon 08-09-2003 by Snackspot # permalink comment
Comment: Hey guys, don't make "bob" angry. You wouldn't like him when he's angry.

More constructively, I believe the TV and press campaign revolves around the 3 members of the terrifying "Bite Me Crew", individually known as "Tubez", "Toast" and "Wedge". In fact, I guess Wedge is OK (also being the name of an X-Wing pilot in Star Wars), but I'm finding it harder to imagine Luke asking for covering fire from his buddies Tubez and Toast...

Posted: 22:02 Thu 11-09-2003 by "cokeco" # permalink comment
Comment: what i'm more interested in is the semi-hard cheese bit.
Posted: 17:50 Wed 18-Aug-2004 by "sauce girl" # permalink comment
Comment: Helmann's tasty dipping sauces are actually really really good and the Honey Mustard Dipping Sauce is especially great withjust about everything: onion rings, french fries, chicken fingers, even sandwiches! And for some reason all of the stores in my area stopped carrying it because they said that it wasn't selling, which is total bs because we were buying at least 3 or 4 of them a month and I know Iwasn't the only one because they were always out of it. In any case I just thought I would spread the word to those of you whocan still find it that you really should try them--the barbecue and ranch dipping sauces are pretty good too, but the honey mustard dipping sauce is the best--(*not to be confused with the regular helmann's honey mustard condiment.*)
Posted: 17:55 Wed 18-Aug-2004 by "sauce girl" # permalink comment
Comment: Just an afterthought--for those of you who haven't tried the Helmann's Honey Mustard Dipping Sauce, the best way to descibe how it is very different from the regular Heinz and Helmann's and French's honey mustard condiments is that those others taste more like mustard with barely a touch of honey in them as opposed to the Helmann's Honey Mustard Dipping Sauce, which is the closest taste I have ever found to the commercial honey mustard sauces that you can get with your chicken nuggets at Wendy's and McDonald's. It's so muchbetter! :):):) 31710 5 6
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